Maybe, I'm Not All That

IS THIS YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW?

Monday morning
And I’m loving the feeling
Heading to the 3rd floor of my office building
I wish this headache would go away
It just hunger pangs
But not having anything to eat is okay
Maybe I can talk Bryan into taking me to lunch today
Oh never mind, it doesn’t matter
Because I’m now walking through the office door, and I already hear the chatter
As I smile with ear to ear confidently with glee
My co-workers run over gasping and telling me…

“OMG!”
“Girl, you look good!”
“You have the new designer bag!”
“Girl, you know you are the ISH!”
“I wish I could afford one, but I have to pay my mortgage.”
“Girl, I don’t know how you do it.”

As they scurry back to their desks
I’m thinking I don’t know how I can afford it either.”

Let me tell my co-workers I’ll be right back, I’m headed to the ladies room
They probably figure that I was running late that’s why I don’t have my make-up on and am headed to the ladies room so soon
They don’t know that my electricity is turned off
Now, if I leave early to pick up the kids from school since I cannot afford to pay the daycare, I wonder if my boss will let me without a snare or scoff
She knows about my wage garnishment
And doesn’t buy into the image that I flaunt
She knows that I chose image over necessities
That I am wedging a bridge further with my insecurities
Barely sustaining
Obtaining
Material things that will be obsolete
Before I can even put a crease
In my two hundred dollar jeans
But I had to have them, they fit me perfectly
I would rather look good today
I’ll secure a future another day
I know the teller at the bank was just trying to help Saturday when she told me that my account was overdrawn
She suggested that I open a savings to establish some kind of norm
By putting away $25 or$ 50 monthly to begin to repair the bridge
I told her my kids will just have to win scholarships
Because I need every last dollar, even it’s just kibbles and bits
I need it today!
I have to look good now!
I am entitled to this after all I’ve been through
As I get back to my make-up and pull out my MAC compact
I take a look in the mirror because I know I am all that

Just then my boss walks in shaking her head staring at me
“She says can we speak off the record, freely?
You are just another fake sistah perpetuating the Black stereo type
You can fool the others with your trifling good for nothing hype
Because of your misplaced devotion
You’ll never get a promotion
Upper management only thinks of you when they need a good laugh
They don’t take you seriously, your attempts to get ahead wind up in the recycle bin or the circular trash
You could be so much more if you simply applied yourself
Instead of trying to get over on your false image of wealth
I can’t even say anymore
You sadden and disgust me so that I forgot why I walked through the restroom door
I’m headed back to my desk
I expect you there in five minutes after you check yo self.”

As her boss walks out the door,
She yells at the door as it closes,
“Oh no you didn’t!
Honey, you wish you were me!”

The door is now closed and with her jaw dropped she looks at it with a blank stare
Then she turns back to look at her reflection in the mirror and says out loud, “DAMN, SHE’S RIGHT, UNLESS I CHANGE MY WAYS, I AM REALLY GOING NO WHERE!”


By Veniece Wesson
Copyright 2010 - All rights reserved