Am I MAD or Am I Mad?

Am I MAD (a parent who is both mother and dad because the other parent is not around for whatever reason) or am I mad both because I am a parent playing dual roles constantly or do I appear mad when I have to step into the masculine role to protect my children.
Let’s look at of these roles, I am both mom and dad, so that makes me MAD, doing my best not to intertwine the roles but sometimes my “M” is a bit too masculine and my “D’ is way too dainty. And if you are a dad playing both dad and mom then you are D_M?

How does a single mother explain to her son about wet dreams?

How does a single father help his daughter shop for a training bra or guide her when she first starts her period?

The father of my sons and I parted ways over four years ago, and since that time well meaning men often tell my 13 year old son, “You are the man of the house.” “Take care of your mother.” I know that these men mean well and are teaching him to be strong, and a provider. But it ends there, no other words are provided as how my son is to accomplish this huge task of taking care of a mother and two younger brothers.

That leaves me doing my best to find a balance between teaching my sons to always open a door for a lady, but at the same time making sure that my sons don’t appear soft or to put it more bluntly, become a punk.

A few years ago, I was visiting my son’s fifth grade class at recess time and what I saw deeply concerned and saddened me. The ten and eleven year old boys were on the basketball court playing basketball when one of the boys who was playing defense had the ball stolen from him by the opposing team. What did the boy do at that moment? Did he turn around and try to help his team out and attempt to regain control of the ball and possibly score points. No, that young man began to cry right there on the court in front of all of his peers. And these were not first or second graders, these students were preparing to enter middle school! I knew immediately that somewhere along the line that boy had not been trained how to suck it up, and not to cry over something so trivial especially in front of another group of boys.

So here I am at little league, flag football, and basketball practices and games, doing my best to teach my boys how to be a young man. And though I enjoy sports, I can never replace a male. (Just as you fathers, cannot replace those precious moments of bonding that can occur between a mother and her daughter. ) But here we are DAM MAD parents.

But the irony in all this is the same MAD female who is raising these boys will sometimes be perceived as too assertive for training up her son in the way that he should go, for having to cop a swagger, and get in his face if he steps out of line, Then all of a sudden that same MAD female is all of a sudden a b*tch .

So now, is she not only a provider, but she is taking on roles that she was not equipped to handle alone as a woman. She has to sometimes have to stop being feminine and attempt to take on the masculine role because there is no one else there. Most MAD’s want to be protected and loved by a man and instead they are playing the role of a man. Just as I am sure that many single fathers want the nurturing touch and love that only a female can provide. And notice I say playing, because no matter how MAD or DAM we become, we can never be both, but the other option is too fail, and we refuse to fail, because the stakes (our children) are too high for a father to be damned or for a mother to literally become mad.

In the end , we need to think about our choices, make wise decisions, plan and don’t live by the moment when it comes to engaging in sex and becoming parents; because being MAD or DAM is like a President without the Vice-President or Batman without Robin.

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.