Maybe, I'm Not All That

IS THIS YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW?

Monday morning
And I’m loving the feeling
Heading to the 3rd floor of my office building
I wish this headache would go away
It just hunger pangs
But not having anything to eat is okay
Maybe I can talk Bryan into taking me to lunch today
Oh never mind, it doesn’t matter
Because I’m now walking through the office door, and I already hear the chatter
As I smile with ear to ear confidently with glee
My co-workers run over gasping and telling me…

“OMG!”
“Girl, you look good!”
“You have the new designer bag!”
“Girl, you know you are the ISH!”
“I wish I could afford one, but I have to pay my mortgage.”
“Girl, I don’t know how you do it.”

As they scurry back to their desks
I’m thinking I don’t know how I can afford it either.”

Let me tell my co-workers I’ll be right back, I’m headed to the ladies room
They probably figure that I was running late that’s why I don’t have my make-up on and am headed to the ladies room so soon
They don’t know that my electricity is turned off
Now, if I leave early to pick up the kids from school since I cannot afford to pay the daycare, I wonder if my boss will let me without a snare or scoff
She knows about my wage garnishment
And doesn’t buy into the image that I flaunt
She knows that I chose image over necessities
That I am wedging a bridge further with my insecurities
Barely sustaining
Obtaining
Material things that will be obsolete
Before I can even put a crease
In my two hundred dollar jeans
But I had to have them, they fit me perfectly
I would rather look good today
I’ll secure a future another day
I know the teller at the bank was just trying to help Saturday when she told me that my account was overdrawn
She suggested that I open a savings to establish some kind of norm
By putting away $25 or$ 50 monthly to begin to repair the bridge
I told her my kids will just have to win scholarships
Because I need every last dollar, even it’s just kibbles and bits
I need it today!
I have to look good now!
I am entitled to this after all I’ve been through
As I get back to my make-up and pull out my MAC compact
I take a look in the mirror because I know I am all that

Just then my boss walks in shaking her head staring at me
“She says can we speak off the record, freely?
You are just another fake sistah perpetuating the Black stereo type
You can fool the others with your trifling good for nothing hype
Because of your misplaced devotion
You’ll never get a promotion
Upper management only thinks of you when they need a good laugh
They don’t take you seriously, your attempts to get ahead wind up in the recycle bin or the circular trash
You could be so much more if you simply applied yourself
Instead of trying to get over on your false image of wealth
I can’t even say anymore
You sadden and disgust me so that I forgot why I walked through the restroom door
I’m headed back to my desk
I expect you there in five minutes after you check yo self.”

As her boss walks out the door,
She yells at the door as it closes,
“Oh no you didn’t!
Honey, you wish you were me!”

The door is now closed and with her jaw dropped she looks at it with a blank stare
Then she turns back to look at her reflection in the mirror and says out loud, “DAMN, SHE’S RIGHT, UNLESS I CHANGE MY WAYS, I AM REALLY GOING NO WHERE!”


By Veniece Wesson
Copyright 2010 - All rights reserved

Baby, Baby, Baby

When you first met her it was “Hey, BABY! "



When you got with her, it was, "Oh, BABY!”

And now you are saying, “We are having a BABY?"

You had no problem saying give it to me baby
but now that I say that we are having a baby
baby, Baby, BABY
your tongue has gone lazy
eight weeks have gone by and all I have heard you do is rant and rave
as if I seduced you and you were a perfect gentleman well behaved
you wanted it just like I did
when I asked what did you want, you declared, "You," and claimed me as your bid
driving for hours back and forth to see each other at night
on the way home trying to stay awake because eye lids were closing tight
your walls show the scars and your headboard is my witness
it was all about survival of the fittest
because you were my weakness
and I was your sweetness
we undressed
our minds linked and our bodies meshed
and we survived
with our busy schedules burning at both ends managing to keep the flame not just lit, but alive
burning like a robust sweet smelling fire
my head telling me I should slow down, but my heart replied, “Don’t listen to your head girl, she’s a liar”
you facilitated boosting my self esteem
vividly illustrated to me what passion really means
as your stroke hit it right on the green
and when the ball made it in the tiny cup, I literally screamed
but now I am screaming at you day and night
you are edging me on, irate and you actually love the fight
you are playing the victim
and treating the woman that you once caressed at night, like scum
thought it was safe to not use condoms; tubes should have been tied
your sperm found my egg and when they connected they shouted, “Let's keep hope alive!”
and now that hole in one that you loved so well
is now the gateway of life, our baby’s birth canal
now you feel bitter
your feelings for me have shriveled and withered
now instead of holding me at night
you murmur about how I am ruining your life
Daddy-to-Be you are experiencing it mentally
while I deal with the mental anguish and I also experience it physically
but I will not let this bad choice gnaw at my core
what we had is jammed, nailed shut, water tight, closed door
I will also shut the door on my resentment
I want our child to feel loved and not sense our selfish childish contentment

Parents, you can’t disguise or harbor bad feelings towards each other from your child
because the child is you, both of you
both seeds infused together creating one new unique individual with its own personality
and somewhere along there lies some of the mother and some of the father
are you only going to love the part of the child that is you?
impossible
you did not create that child alone
you created that child with someone
it was a partnership when you made love
and now it is a partnership that you have to endure since you created love
the love for your child should be the foundation

and not what the other parent did or did not do
you have to learn how to get along
both parents
even if you are no longer together
you have to stop acting like you are an infant
and start working together to care for your infant

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved.

Craig

"December 31st, 1978
Was the date that sealed her and her mother’s fate
Her mother said, “Don’t wait up baby, because I’ll be out late.”
She was mad at her mother because she decided to break their date
They were suppose to stay up and bring in the New Year with Dick Clark
But instead the thirty something diva wanted to go and party like the freaks do when it’s dark
Even though the girl was only twelve, her instincts sensed something was wrong
That this innocent night of clubbing would lead to pain prolonged

Same old thing
But then something new
Instead of being abused by children
It would now be a grown man causing a family feud

Sure enough the girls’ instincts were right on the money
Her mother could not see it at the time since she had found a new honey
But he was into specials, two for the price of one
He had the mother and now he wanted her daughter
He subjected the girl to things that you would not believe
That after he was done she scrubbed herself until she would bleed
Just trying to get the dirt off her shoulders, but still seeing traces of it on her sleeve

Same old thing
But then something new
Instead of being abused by children
A grown man causing a family feud

Then late one night in February 1979
She felt like she was dying inside
Craig came into her room after he had gotten her mother drunk and passed out
Instead of letting him abuse her she stood up for herself and said, “Leave me alone you louse!”
He pursued again and thought it she was playing a game
But when she repeated her outburst, he realized that she was not lame
She was not a little lamb that would roll over and continue to say, “Bah!”
Even though she was terrified she would have rather died then again let him touch her
He backed off and she realized that she had won
Yet he did not leave her home and this troubled her

Same old thing
But then something new
Instead of being abused by children
She was now fighting off a grown child abuser

Then one school night when they went out for a so called family dinner
She had cauliflower for the first time at the Sizzler
It was a blissful night full of conversation and fun
But when she returned home she felt like scum
Why was Craig still here?
She thought, “I told him no!”
“I don’t understand why he does not pack his duffle bag and go?”
She went into the bathroom where she had tried to scrub his scum off before
And decided that this will never end so I am about to walk through heaven’s door
She took all the pills from her asthma prescription
Then went and sat on her bed with good intentions
After reflecting for a few minutes
She thought, “I don’t want to die!”
So she went and told mother that she had taken the pills while Craig was standing at her mother’s side

Same old thing
But then something new
Instead of being abused by children
The grown man will not give up being a child abuser

At first her mother thought she was joking like it was a game
When she realized she was serious, she rushed her to Harbor General without delay
The doctors induced vomiting to preserve her life
They monitored her and she still remembers them asking her when they saw something white
“Young lady, do you think that is one of the pills?”
She replied, “No, it is cauliflower.” A vegetable till this day still make her feel ill
After the ordeal the nurse suggested that the girl see a psychiatrist, of course Craig was opposed
He had the nerve to say, "This is a family matter that needs to be resolved at home.” The truth is he feared being exposed

Same old thing
But then something new
Instead of being abused by children
A grown man is trying to hide his abuse

She did see a therapist once or twice
But it was not enough to cut or splice
Because on March 1, 1979, her mother gave her life to Jesus Christ
Then her mother told Craig that they were through
He was so outdone his plan had come unglued
He could not leave though without one final blow
He had the nerve to tell her mother, “Your daughter’s not a virgin you know?”
Like a 12 year old girl would actually want a beer belly thirty something year old man
Her mother was outraged and she went to the girl and asked
“Baby, has Craig ever touched you because if so I will call your dad,”
The girl knew that her daddy had a gun
And if her daddy shot Craig, then Craig would become the victim
She was playing the adult like she had so many times before
Because she had enough wisdom to know how things go
That daddy went be sent away to prison
And that she might be taken away by child protective services
So the girl lied and said, “No,” that she was never touched by him
Her mother walked away not completely convinced but figured with her fists wound up tightly in a bundle
That Craig made the accusations because he was disgruntled

Same old thing
But then something new
Instead of being abused by children
It was a grown man causing a family feud

That was the end
The girl never saw him again
After that her mother never had another boyfriend
Her mother and father are now both in heaven
They both died without knowing the truth about what happened
The girl found out years later that her mother told a close family friend
That Craig had destroyed her and that she never recovered from him
She divulged that life was never the same after that vulture
He preyed upon a lonely innocent female pretending to have morals and culture
And then there is that once 12 year old girl who never told a soul until now
Who would have thought that the winter of 1979 could create such havoc?
Now perhaps her peers may understand why she was so odd at times, it was a mask of deception
She was trying to cope during the day; while fearing the night because Craig was waiting at home for his reception
But this story was not at all told for sympathy
It was purposely told so that you mothers and fathers listen to me
Please think again before you so easily allow a strange man or woman around your kids or any children
Make sure that you know them fully because the world does not need another child abuse victim
Because I am that 12 year old girl now stuck in a grown woman’s body
When all I really long for is my deceased daddy and mommy

Same old thing
But then something new
I was abused by children
And a grown man that is still causing a family feud"

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

Armando the Player

I met this nice looking guy named Armando once while I was on my break at work
Sitting at Kelly’s café having my bottled water and a chocolate cookie plump with nuts
I had on a gray BeBe suit with my stiletto peep toe pumps
This guy came over slyly trying to look at my bump
As soon as he determined that he liked what he saw, he came over to my table and asked if I was alone
Then he promptly sat down and then had the gall to put his number in my cell phone
And said, “ I love the French tips that you have on your toes.”
Saying he had a foot fetish and he just wanted me to know
He then said, “I want to take you out this weekend,”
He said, “Let’s go to dinner and a movie and later get freaky.”
Then he proceeded to hold my hand and try to hug me, even though I had known him for less than five minutes
The dude was acting like he just knew he was going to hit it
I pulled away & said; “Hold up, wait a minute, we have not picked out china patterns,”
“You just met me and you’re taking too much for granted!”
He said, “You got me all wrong baby girl,”
“I know you heard it all before, but I am the man who can definitely rock your world.”
I replied, “You are touchy and feely for a guy I just met,”
“This is real life and not a music video about soft and wet!”
He said, “You have me all wrong, just give me a call,”
“We’ll go out and I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”
The test was I did not call him and he knew where I worked
He just wanted a one-night stand with all of the perks
I see him from time to time pass by my job
He claims that he just has to see me and I am his heartthrob
But his feelings disseminate as soon as he leaves
It’s obvious that I am not the woman who can fulfill his needs
There is no love connection and I will not be used
Or he would not just contact me when he is only passing through

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson An excerpt from my upcoming book, “An Everyday Diva’s Conversation of the Mind.” This is from a trilogy of poems called “Do Not Settle” All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

This is in response to the 115 Black teenage pregnant girls at one Chicago High School...

“Are we creating another breed of girls
Again unable to handle the challenges in this world
I’m troubled
Saddened
Maddened
By the lack of disregard of bringing another human into this world
We want to repair them now
Why didn’t we prepare them then
The cycle spins
Babies have babies
The young are restless
With no viable skills
Other than their Madden & Halo scores

Intervention

Prevention

Is what we need

Males & females must realize

That when you choose to lay

The odds are that sometimes you may have to pay

For that moment of passion

And sometimes it does not lead to a happily ever after
Society is abhorred
But not to the degree of making a change
Only enough to offer spare change
Called WELFARE
And welfare often does not repair
It just keeps most locked right there
Where they are
To be limited
Because you first have to change a person’s way of thinking
In order to make a lasting impression
You have to teach a person how to fish
Otherwise, they will be back the next day for another fish
And again that fish, is called WELFARE.”

(Please see the video above & realize that the teenage pregnancy issue is relevant everywhere, & affects every culture, this is not just in Chicago, need I mention Jourdon Dunn, Bristol Palin, Solange Knowles, & Jamie Lynn Spears?)

By Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means without the prior written permission of the author.

Music is My High

“Music is my high…
I inhale, I exhale, and I breathe music…
From Rhythm N' Blues to Classical (especially the romantics) to Rock to Blue Grass to Jazz to Hip-Hop as long as the Hip-Hop has some meaning to it other than, “Shawty, you look good, now come ride in my Benz and drop it like it’s hot.”
I said Hip-Hop, not slip-shot.
And from there my list still continues…
I like music while driving in my car, in the studio, or live in a venue.
My list of artists is so long that I cannot relay it to you in one simple Blogger column.
But if I started at A and randomly made it to the to the bottom
I probably start out with Al, who has translated "Love and Happiness into my mind,
As I have played many of his poignant songs time after time
Then I would throw in Bonnie Raitt in the "Nick of Time",
I have Cried Me a River with Ella
And then swam through that same river to get with that Muddy Waters fella
Lalah, Mozart, Stone Mecca, Raphael Saddiq, Teena Marie, and Sting,
For he is the "King of Pain" and I have often felt like his Queen,
And my music would not be complete without the King of Pop
I get chills every time I see his majestic facial expressions & moves in "Dirty Diana", and don't stop because I never get enough"
To Ludacris' "Release Therapy"
To the Emancipation or Mimi
To New Edition's "Heart Break"
To Ice Cube's "Today Was a Good Day"
Public Enemy, En Vogue, the Supremes, Amerie, Beyonce, oops my flow in not in alphabetical order, I need to rewind
I only type 55 WPM, but words are moving at 1055 WPM in my mind,
You see my memory bank is filled with the majestic sound of pianos, cellos, saxophones, and trombones
And the list of instruments goes on and on
Music makes me smile, laugh, cry, dance, and “shake it like a tail feather" in the privacy of my own home, it sends subtle and not so subtle messages methodically and harmoniously to my mind
Those messages remind
Me of the “Inner City Blues”
And serve as a reminder to the one I love that “I Can’t Stop Loving You.”
I don’t need illegal substances or alcohol
I need God & music
God gave me life
And music helps to translate my life
Going through my veins like water through a pipe
I inhale
I exhale
I breathe music”


Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

You Didn't Even Fight For Me

"You didn’t even fight for me
You just let me go
Couldn’t your gut sense the need in me?

All of these feelings laying dormant

Like a storm on the rise
Released by the tide of your loving force
But now the force and the pangs of waning love has taken the storm way off course
Brewing initially was a minute storm that would saturate a few weeds
And hopefully drown them out so that our love would flourish and we would better ascertain one another’s needs
But my insatiable hunger for you has turned into a tsunami
The end result being two broken hearts not fit for recovery
Because I cannot bear the constant separation
I use to take pride in my lack of need for a man
I could see the man I was dating every once in a while
Let him caress me and leave content with a smile
Because although that man was accommodating
He was in no way at all exhilarating
Besides I was a woman with purpose, and anything more would cramp my style
And then one day, just as fashion trends changed, so did the weather
And humidity seeped into my pores
Leaving me dripping wet at your door
My guard began to drop
Because you kept seeping through every crevice of my pores
Eventually reaching my carefully guarded soul
It was no exageration when I said that for two years plus I was not attracted to another man
You imply that it is impossible for a female not to be attracted to other men
But you are thinking from that bulge in your pants
I am not merely attracted by what I see visually
But also viscerally
Though aesthetics are pleasing , they are not the deciding factor
Just like I hope that you don’t choose a women by her looks complete by Max Factor
Men of various background have approached me and have all sunk like the Titanic, they had impressive portfolios
But in the end they were lacking the proper credentials
At least for what I needed
I needed a man to completely fill me in spirit, soul, and body and not leave me with gaping holes
When your tugboat came in to guide my cruise ship
I was hesitant at first
But I begin to see that your actions were natural and simplistic, and not at all rehearsed
And I adore your complex, multi-layered, soul that is bottomless like the deep blue sea
Now I am sailing despondently, never thinking that I would be blue in the oceanic because of lack of time with you
But somehow you touched a part of me out in ocean of love this summer
I’m so wet; I regret that a life jacket cannot save me
I was cruising along fine on my Princess Cruise line
Good times, stimulating talk, and wonderful friends; like fine wine
Mostly sunshine, little rain, no storms, and no love fatalities
Just like the weather you crept up on me gradually
You rescued my heart when your life saver appeared
And now that you’re here
You are not going to even fight for me; you are just going to disappear?
I never cared enough about anyone to care what they did
I enjoyed the separation and the separate lives that we lived
My ex was always at dock a and I never sailed out of dock b
Except for that occasion we would meet at dock c
The distance was never an issue
My ex and I could love and leave each other on cue
But when you and I are close at heart we are far in distance
And when we are close in distance we are far apart at heart
My head is filled with confusion, which is the devil’s workshop
You can’t see the tears through the oceanic, but my rudder is off course
My eyes are red and my voice is hoarse
And all I can hear now is noise in the bottomless sea echoing my heart beating for you
Yes, I am confused
Because I have become unglued
Thinking about you
And why this weather love pattern occurs on every blue moon
And why life and commitments seem to consume
Our lives leaving us with so little time
I don’t even have time to unwind
My work, my kids, and you have me consumed
I could see this coming, our course doomed
Because you chose to dwell in a complacent realm
And instead of loving me, you took a nap at the helm
And in the end, you didn’t even fight for me
How could you not fight for me?"

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

Co-Depen-DEBT

The majority of our black community is failing, in co-depen-DEBT
Looking good without a cent left
Pay day to pay day
Always on lay-a-way
Credit cards maxed
Obtaining clothes but no land
Wearing Russell’s and Kimora’s Phat clothes
But owning no phat portfolio
Car registration’s past due because you chose to procure the status symbol of assurance
Driving a nice car with no insurance
Car’s not maintained, you hope it has endurance
Co-depen-DEBT where is your wealth?
If asked what FICO is?
Will your reply be is that some new kind of designer trend?
And then hop merrily to the store
Too ignorant to realize that a FICO is a credit score
They admire you at work and in your hood
Because on the outside you always look good
But you have no wisdom within
Otherwise you would save often and rarely spend
When you take off the bling at night
You know that you ain’t right
Because while looking good you neglect to pay your bills
Too busy feigning and fronting and now you’re beginning to feel ill
You may be top dawg or diva now, but soon you’ll be bankrupt
With your hand stretched out with the proverbial homeless cup
With a sign that says, “Will work for bling and trivial things”
Standing near the freeway off ramp, in last year’s trends
Top Dawg and Ms. Diva, you had better realize what time it is
It is time to wake up
And stop looking fly while being Co-depen-DEBT

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend

"Diamonds are a girls best friend

Forever blingin' through the thick & thin"

"My best friends are my diamonds & me

Faux treatment has taught me to appreciate the finer things

Diamonds don’t bail once they adorn you or go soft
They always look good & stay strong & hard
Forever looking pretty & paying a girl compliments

Diamonds don’t leave for another girl, another gem

They are the real deal & no CZ man

The type of man that looks genuine on the outside, but is fake within

Not rhinestones or CZs , a girl needs a stone of a man that can cut glass & is built to last

Not a phony made of glass; Fabricated in some lab

A man that knows how to respect a woman

Not a "wham, bam, thank you maam" man

Loving & leaving handing out Cracker Jack rings as consolation prizes randomly as he walks out her door

A girl is worth a ten-carat canary diamond in platinum, engraved & more

Some women choose not to wear their best friends on their ring finger

Because one day a girl may let a soldier battle her heart for that finger

And if a girl chooses than her ring finger should have a best friend

Given to her by a diamond of a man who is all genuine… "

"Diamonds are a girls best friend

Forever blingin' through the thick & thin"

Copyright 2009 by Veniece Wesson. All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.